It's the classic question: who am I? I am I. I am a second year medical student. I am an alumna of Cornell University. I am a hockey player. I am a tennis fan who makes valiant attempts to play the game. I am an Asian-American. I am an oldest child. I am a witless wonder. I am a procrastinating fool. I am dazed, confused, and lost on the path of life. I am a Pittsburgher and by default a Steelers fan. I am who the world thinks I am, or am I?
Why do I define myself by these terms and fear to cross the limits of my self-definition? Why is it so easy to forget that I am no longer a prisoner of the world's labels as I was 5 years ago? For most of my life, I allowed what I do to define who I was. September 22nd, 2002 - that's when everything changed in an instant. At the time, it didn't seem like such a big change; looking back, I see how different I became. How things have changed yet again since then. The things I thought were important in college, prelim grades and hours spent studying, I have forgotten. What I remember is, as a freshman, how I could not keep myself from telling people the wonderful thing I had just learned about Christ. As a sophomore, I felt so exhausted from the effort of giving up my idol of academic success that I could not even sing praise at camping trip. Then, the peace I felt as I took the MCAT after spending a summer in quality quiet times with God. Junior year - the loneliness from feeling cut off from fellowship. Senior year, God showed me His vastness through FCA. What now? When did my soul deteriorate into hopelessness and bitterness again? The crushing fist of medical school, perhaps? Even as I write it, it sounds ridiculous. Is God not greater than some institution? No doubt He is, yet as I struggle along pathetically, I cannot help but wonder "why have you forsaken me?" in this forsaken place.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:34
So who am I? A hopeless sinner for whom Jesus died to save. A redeemed soul praying everyday for forgiveness. A faint heart sustained by God's love alone. An imperfect creation capable only of achieving imperfection in this imperfect world, while trusting all along in being perfected for use in God's perfect eternal plan.
Perhaps to fit perfectly into God's plan, I cannot be a neurosurgeon. Thank God.
4 comments:
really beautiful post, God has changed so much and for the better in only a few years, don't forget His benefits, and how much clearer things are in the light
yeah, that about sums it up (for all of us)
I love it.
Also, changed your link from my Blog.
Well written article.
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