diagnosed.

Excerpts from today's devotion from "My Utmost for His Highest." Yes, the title sounds somewhat cheesy, but it's actually a great devotional book that I was introduced to last year.

"At the beginning of our life with Jesus Christ, we were sure we knew all there was to know about following Him. It was a delight to forsake everything else and to throw ourselves before Him in a fearless statement of love. But now we are not quite so sure. Jesus is far ahead of us and is beginning to seem different and unfamiliar."

They were on their way up to Jerusalem, with Jesus leading the way, and the disciples were astonished, while those who followed were frightened. - Mark 10:32

"He no longer seems to be my Counselor and Friend and has point of view about which I know nothing...At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I m not so sure. I begin to realize that there is a distance between Jesus and me and I can no longer be intimate with Him. I have no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely distant."

"The discipline of dismay is an essential lesson which a disciple must learn. the danger is that we tend to look back on our times of obedience and on our past sacrifices to God in an effort to keep our enthusiasm for Him strong."

"Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment." - Isaiah 50:10-11

"But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy."

Anyone who has been a follower of Christ long enough will tell you that all Christians go through periods of darkness in their lives, but this is the first time I have heard it described in such a way that I can begin to understand what that darkness means. It is not simply that God has left us floundering about in the dark, but that He is walking ahead of us. If Jesus is the Light in the dark, then it only makes sense that when He walks ahead we are left in the dark. What does it mean to endure?

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer." - 2 Corinthians 1:3-6

This is where my understanding of the Trinity, of God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit, fails me. From my readings today, I would say God is the ubiquitous comfort, Jesus is the light in darkness, and the Spirit is my intercessor and constant companion that is always with me.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." - Romans 8:26-27

The Spirit is the one in the Trinity I understand the least, and yet is probably the one that is closest to me and guiding me in day to day life. I think a new goal of mine will be to better understand the Spirit and to remember him when I think of the Father and the Son since they are, after all, all part of the nature of God.