gorgeous.

Ithaca is Gorges.

燃える.

We cannot kindle when we will
The fire which in the heart resides,
The spirit bloweth and is still,
In mystery our soul abides;
But tasks in hours of insight willed
Can be through hours of gloom fulfilled.

- Matthew Arnold, Morality, 1852

diagnosed.

Excerpts from today's devotion from "My Utmost for His Highest." Yes, the title sounds somewhat cheesy, but it's actually a great devotional book that I was introduced to last year.

"At the beginning of our life with Jesus Christ, we were sure we knew all there was to know about following Him. It was a delight to forsake everything else and to throw ourselves before Him in a fearless statement of love. But now we are not quite so sure. Jesus is far ahead of us and is beginning to seem different and unfamiliar."

They were on their way up to Jerusalem, with Jesus leading the way, and the disciples were astonished, while those who followed were frightened. - Mark 10:32

"He no longer seems to be my Counselor and Friend and has point of view about which I know nothing...At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I m not so sure. I begin to realize that there is a distance between Jesus and me and I can no longer be intimate with Him. I have no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely distant."

"The discipline of dismay is an essential lesson which a disciple must learn. the danger is that we tend to look back on our times of obedience and on our past sacrifices to God in an effort to keep our enthusiasm for Him strong."

"Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment." - Isaiah 50:10-11

"But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy."

Anyone who has been a follower of Christ long enough will tell you that all Christians go through periods of darkness in their lives, but this is the first time I have heard it described in such a way that I can begin to understand what that darkness means. It is not simply that God has left us floundering about in the dark, but that He is walking ahead of us. If Jesus is the Light in the dark, then it only makes sense that when He walks ahead we are left in the dark. What does it mean to endure?

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer." - 2 Corinthians 1:3-6

This is where my understanding of the Trinity, of God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit, fails me. From my readings today, I would say God is the ubiquitous comfort, Jesus is the light in darkness, and the Spirit is my intercessor and constant companion that is always with me.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." - Romans 8:26-27

The Spirit is the one in the Trinity I understand the least, and yet is probably the one that is closest to me and guiding me in day to day life. I think a new goal of mine will be to better understand the Spirit and to remember him when I think of the Father and the Son since they are, after all, all part of the nature of God.

impropriety.

An e-mail sent out on the first year listserve earlier today (bold for emphasis):

" We had an interesting conversation in PBL today and I feel convicted to share with everyone. We all need to work together to keep the average close to 70 so that EVERYONE can pass. I know everyone has been working hard. We all want to do well, but let's think about the success of the entire class for this exam instead of individual success.
I've never had micro and I feel like I got hit by an 18-wheeler with all this information. Four weeks has not been enough time to digest everything (and I think I speak for a lot of people in the class). Of course I want everyone to study hard and learn the material...but maybe those of you who are comfortable with the material (you know who you are) could intentionally miss a few questions to keep the average down...many of us would greatly appreciate it.
Honor council people please don't kill me but I just don't want to see people fail! If we all work together on this as a class I think everyone will benefit! The rumors are out that we're a bit too competitive and that would make me a liar because I told the 7 applicants that I interviewed that we weren't like that. I don't want to start a class-wide mass email frenzy with people's opinions so everyone just go along with it!!!"

Wow. Who's going to go along with that?? I mean, theirs is a class of gunners to begin with, but this is still medical school after all. Nobody is going to throw points away "for the good of the class."

And some loving continuations circulated on our class listserve...
"This is genius, I think we should let the word out to the other schools about this, and maybe have a nation wide movement where we all try to miss as many questions on the Boards as possible so that everyone can be a doctor! Wouldn't that be great?"
" I would like to make a plea to all of you to please try and keep you Boards scores down at about the 130 level. PittSOM is getting a reputation for being too competitive, but I figured that if we keep it low, then the rest of the country will follow suit and residencies will be forced to look at applicants based on whatever else we contribute besides our score number. I am only thinking of all of you and for all of our benefit!!!"
"Also, for future consideration, if everyone on your surgery service kills a patient, then each of you won't look as bad. Think about it."

Even the 4th years joined in:
"Wow...I don't know what's scarier - the recent spate of college shootings or that plea..."

This is what makes medical school...interesting.

idleness.

Lectures are a time when the mind tends to wander, particularly if it is the 8th hour long lecture of the day. What sorts of strange ideas do people come up with in lecture? Well, let's take this cute little guy...an innocent little leukocyte. After enough lecture and boredom, it suddenly makes sense that I should do this to it >>
so that it suddenly becomes a Reed-Sternberg cell. It was quite delightful when I realized that I could do this, so I tested it out on several classmates. Most could guess what it was before manipulation, and about half realized what it became after having its eyes squeezed together. That's not a bad response rate, in fact, considering that you have to think a certain way to go down that alley of thought. It is a dark alley, I might add. Just goes to show that med students really do kind of think alike.

bigotry.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/7050020.stm

This was somewhat unbelievable and somewhat thought-provoking. When I firsts read it, I had to read it twice just to make sure he was actually saying those things. Needless to say, black people are not genetically less intelligent than white people. To begin with, what is "black" and "white"? Watson is obviously British, so would those be "African British" that he referring to? I have not the slightest idea what the politically correct term is in Britain. In America, you call black people "African American" when saying "black" sounds too crass and discriminatory. After all, you can't call Asian people "yellow" although you can call Caucasians "white" without sounding racist.

Watson is quoted as saying that he is "inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa" because "all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours - whereas all the testing says not really." First, I would like to know what "testing" he is referring to. Second, I can understand if he meant that our social policies are based on the fact that their worldview is the same as ours, but saying that their "intelligence" is not the same as ours is a bit irrational. The article goes on to state "He went on to say he hoped everyone was equal but that "people who have to deal with black employees find this is not true"." Perhaps he was using "black" as shorthand for "uneducated," but the reality is that black does not equal uneducated. It really does not take much arguing to convince any reasonable person that James Watson's comments were biased, racist, and flat out untrue.

The only interesting question that came out of this in my mind was why did societies around the world evolve so differently over just the past few centuries? Why did some pursue technology, education, the arts, sciences, and whatnot while others were content to live as they always had, more or less? Is there something in our DNA or is it some essential difference in our environments that have driven us to such different extremes?

professionalism.

There was a bit of an uproar in British tennis recently as the Lawn Tennis Association (Britain's equivalent of the ATP) suspended two junior players and stripped them of funding for posting "inappropriate" pictures of themselves on a website that appears to be something like MySpace. I have somewhat mixed feelings on this issue. From the players' perspective, what they post on their site is none of the LTA's business. Aside from the fact that anyone who is in the public eye would have to be spectacularly brain dead to post underage drunken photos of themselves in their underwear rubbing up against a condom machine in a public restroom, it is really inconsequential when it comes to how they perform when sober. On the other hand, if this is what they're posting, what in the world are they doing that they are NOT posting?? If the LTA is going to invest money in these players, they have every right to make sure that they aren't off getting into bad habits while living in the LTA's posh dorms and off the salary they are paying them. Part of the LTA's argument for suspending the "Bebo two" was that it was unprofessional to publish such photos and brag about your drunken exploits using awful grammar on a public website. This brings me to today's rumination about professionalism.

How far should professionalism go? Should one only act professionally when they are engaged in their profession? Should a tennis player smile for the camera and sign autographs when they're on the court but brush off the fan who runs into them outside the stadium afterwards because they are now off duty? Should a doctor be compassionate with his patient and then get into a barfight after work because he had too much to drink? What if he sees that patient in the office the next day? What if the kid that the pro athlete brushed off lost his idol and gave up on a sport he could have been great in? How far does professional responsibility extend? For an athlete, societal expectations are that they not only entertain, but act as role models for younger players following in their footsteps. It may be your life, but it isn't just about what you want to do. Isn't that true for anyone in any profession? If you work on wall street and your boss sees drunken semi-pornographic pictures on your Facebook account, and you belong to your company network, does he not have the right to discipline you for poorly representing the company? I feel that it is the same concept with the LTA. These kids represent British tennis, and every tennis fan in that country knows it. Arguments have been made that "every athlete parties," which, having gone through college, seems to be largely true. But even Andy Murray said that sacrifices must be made if you want to be the best -

'It's just something as a professional athlete you have to realise, it's one of the sacrifices you have to make. You're not at university, not doing a nine to five job, you have to stay in tip-top shape. Being professional is the main thing that you need to get right if you want to become a great athlete. If you don't have that then you're never going to make it.'

If you look at Federer, Nadal, and Djokovic, world #1, 2, and 3 respectively, they are not wasting time posting pictures of themselves on the web. Federer does not appear to be the partying type, and Nadal and Djokovic seem smart enough to not broadcast just how rich and popular and cool they are on MySpace. Even if Broady (17) and Rice (18) are "just kids," Nadal is 21 and Djokovic is 20, barely a step out of teenage-dom themselves. From a Q&A session with Nadal -

Q: Have you had to sacrifice anything to get to where you are?
Nadal: Something of the normal everyday life of a boy of my age: going out with your friends and having a whale of a time, being with your family, being able to spend the summer in Mallorca... From 16 to 30 years old, which are important years in your life, I will not be able to do those things, although you're still enjoying yourself...

Q: Do you demand a lot of yourself?
Nadal: One always asks more than normal of oneself. One thing I am quite clear about is that I would never do anything that would prejudice my tennis. I don't know if that is demanding a lot of myself. I just know that I feel good when I know I have done what I ought to do for my own well-being.

I had newfound respect for Nadal after that. I can even forgive his awful capris now.

It seems that self-discipline and professionalism count for something after all. For the best professional athletes, I believe being a professional comes right along with being an athlete. This concept extends into every aspect of their lives. That doesn't mean that they are perfect and never drink, party, yell at their spouses, argue with their parents, or what not, but aside from those things that make them human, everything they do counts towards becoming the best that they can be. Maybe that's a little idealistic, but then they have succeeded in inspiring at least this blogger to aspire to that ideal. And isn't that part of being a professional to begin with?

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On a side note - I really think these kids have taken a few too many tennis balls to the head. Even American college sports stars, and even hard partying hockey stars from Canada, are smart enough to close their Facebook profiles to the public. Maybe it's an American thing to be paranoid about Big Brother or crazy fans, but isn't that just the intelligent thing to do? As someone aspiring to become a pro athlete, posting nude and drunken pictures of yourself on a public site is equivalent to calling the tabloids and sending them the photos directly. Just what were they planning to do if they actually became pro a few years from now and all this stuff came out in The Sun? Honestly, they should be suspended for pure stupidity if nothing else...
Side note #2 - Considering that British tennis sucks right now, I expect the LTA is probably panicking a bit. They invest a great deal of money in developing junior players and are probably not encouraged by their investment when those juniors act like stupid little kids.
Side note #3 - It sucks to be David Rice because his picture only showed him sitting around with a beer in his hand. Compared to Naomi Broady, he's an angel.